RUBBERMOMS, PLASTICDADS AND BONUSCHILDREN
Gummimammor, platspappor och bonusbarn

The modern family can be quite different from the traditional nuclear-family. There are Rubbermoms who extend themselves like rubber-bands to take care of everybody, Plasticdads instead of the strict stepfather and children who come as an extra bonus in the new family.
You’ve fallen in love and you have a new partner. But along with this new love comes a child. Not your child, but your partner’s from a previous relationship. Children you’re expected to live with and in part, take responsibility for. And it doesn’t stop there, because your partner’s ex is part of the package as well. Whenever you’re going to celebrate Christmas or Easter or go on holiday, the ex has to be involved in the plans.

From the book’s foreword: Many of my friends are stepparents or their partner is a stepparent. I want to write a book for them and everyone else who has ever found themselves in the classical situation: “I hate you, you aren’t my dad.’ Or a tear-filled and heart-wrenching: “I want my moooom…”
As a stepparent you often find yourself faced with different problems and issues than you would have as a biological parent. Nothing is self-evident for the stepparent, not even love for the child. How should a stepparent act and what is expected of him or her? What kinds of demands can a stepparent place on stepchildren? Do you have to love each other in order for it to work?
There are of course no objective truths or ready made 12 step programs on how to become a happy stepfamily. But there are plenty of experiences.

Tilde de Paula has been working as a journalist for the last 10 years and mainly works at Swedish TV4. Her parents, who come from Brazil and the United States, divorced when Tilde was four years old. She has had a nuclear family, a stepfamily and a loving family.

Birgitta Klang has been working as a pediatric nurse since 1989. She is regularly engaged as a speaker and she also works with both children and parents who are in need of therapy.

Published in 2006 by Bokförlaget DN.